So I had another dream last night of a love past.
It was all too real as I held her close.
Feeling like I was home again, her body pressed close to mine as we seemed to meld together closing our eyes… nothing else seemed to matter.
Why is it that in our younger days we are blind to the simple joys and comforts that we take for granted? If you’re happy, but find fault, look deep into the fault that stands before you. Is it really that important to you? Can you not live your life because of it? Or is it mearely a challenge to overcome?
I fear it is all too late for us.
I faught so hard for her for so many years, but because of ignorant thoughts and self rightous ‘revenge’ I lost what may have been–could have been–was…
Or, or is it the stigma of that first love that always holds true in our heart. Whether we keep it or cast it out, will it forever haunt our hearts and our dreams? Is it fate for the first to always be there reminding us not to make the same mistakes, or to forgive when all we want is to take up arms and start a fight?
What have I learned from our relationship and what can I take away to build on another?
Is it only now that I can see all I had because I’ve lost it (forever)? Is it the longing of what was once good blinding me from solidified and perhaps just reasons for breaking up so long ago?
Maybe my dream wasn’t torture. Maybe it was a blessing. Reminding me that I am mearely human, and the thoughts of love that I swore were lost forever still reside deep in me.
Is some force deep in my very existence crying out for me to allow myself to love again? Is the warm beat of my once passionate heart trying to break the icy grasp of my jaded mind?
Even though she won’t read this, thank you… As much as it hurts to say, I haven’t felt that good in a very long time.
