This old familiar feeling.
I know how this goes. I’ve been there before. The hunt, chase/attack, recoil. It took me to actual talk to someone, out loud, to figure out I’ve been here before. I don’t know if it will be worth it… Or the same result as the last time will occur. I know how it ended last time, and how great the in between time can be, and was. So I have to ask myself a question: Do I put myself out there and let what happens happen, or do I learn from my past and assume everything will be the same? Or, except for the ending, is that a good thing?
These questions twist my stomach. That nervous feeling that you want to hold onto in the height of anticipation. Should I jump in with both feet, throw caution to the wind and hold my cheat sheet from the last time close? Checking that I don’t slip in the same places as I did before? Or are my actions only being led by holding on to the wish of losing another feeling that has plagued me for almost a year?
Nervous, anxious, strong, weak, hopeful and happy. A hurricane of emotions that make me feel more alive than I have felt in a while. The last time, which was the first time, was the best time. I can start to see that feeling come back… and I love it.
Here goes nothing, I’m going full hog. No regrets.
